Always alone with the birds.

I'm fine being alone sometimes... most of the time really but right now it sucks. It FEELS like I no longer have friends, and its exactly what I thought would happen when I got prego. The always say they will still come around but they rarely do. (exception JoJo) Its like I don't have anything to offer anymore... no party house and I cant go out and drink. so they don't bother with me anymore. Fun for me NOT. I thought I had better friends here in Sweden. Maybe its me maybe? I'm the one that should be calling them, but as I see it if my friend was pregnant and I wanted to see her... I would make the effort since I know she is going through a harder time. But maybe I'm wrong.

I know people have lives and things they are doing, but its pretty telling when you don't see people for hoohmm exactly 9 months. Or shall I say since I stopped throwing party's. Of course I would see people less than I used too, I can take that. I'm not able to do everything I used to do, so I understand Ill see friends significantly less, but completely not at all??? I didn't expect that one.

So I sit alone and wait 10 hours till Ricky gets home, so I can have a real human conversation. Thank God for Him too, He is the best husband in the world! He has been there when im crazy and crying in pain and he has helped my through everything. He makes me feel pretty even though I know I look like crap and I love him for that. Couldn't do this without him, literally haha. But the loneliness is depressing, I feel like I have lost my life and it sucks. I don't have my family here I don't have my sister... I'm alone. I mean no one has wanted to go for coffee or come watch a movie or do are nails together NOTHING... Ok I think I have made my point. If they cant be here for me through a hard time when I'm not as fun and cant do stuff, then they don't deserve to be there when I'm at my best and back to myself. Ill stop feeling sorry for myself, but I will remember who the people are that gave a shit and who didn't. Call me dramatic or over emotional but I would never treat my friends this way. So when summer gets here and I have the baby and I can drink again and be myself, everyone that ditched me all winter can PISS OFF. XOXO